The Trouble with Sleep

"Cats Cuddling" by Melissa Anthony

I am having a harder time falling asleep lately and need more sleeping aids (bipolar meds). It is such a pain, but it's partially my fault. I haven't been going to bed consistently at a good time. My sleep affects how healthy I am, and I have a great habit of going to bed later than 10 pm.

I am missing out on some exercise opportunities and making healthier choices with food and habits throughout the day.

I went to bed at 10 pm last night. But I slept in until 8:35 and missed an appointment with someone. The sleeping aids have to be the right dose to be just enough to put me asleep, but not too much to keep me asleep longer than necessary. My doctor and I have discussed splitting a pill or having the whole dose.

I've been taking the whole dose instead of a half-dose like I normally do. So I have two solutions in mind: improve my sleep hygiene, and take the sleeping aid earlier in the evening.

Sleep hygiene may make the biggest difference. I have a bedtime routine, but I don't have a set time I start my routine. I need to start by 9:30 pm at least. Will you keep me on track? :)

If I take my sleeping aid at 9 pm, I may wake an hour earlier than normal.

I will have to experiment.

I have goals I want to achieve: start graduate studies, writing books and blogs, achieve a healthy weight, and function well as a mother.

Program Almost Done--Now It's Done

Wrote this part last week:

My son is watching me while I write on the computer. It drives me nuts. He is just laughing...even harder. He fell over a bag of chips. He creeps closer as I type 'me.' His laugh is maniacal. I'm telling him my bubble is the length of my arm. I've never liked anyone looking over my shoulder while I write or I am on the computer.

Anyway, to the point. This month I finish the weight loss class I've been doing. I have learned a lot about eating, sleeping, making change and so forth. Permanent weight loss takes time and isn't a fad diet.

This week:

I had my last appointment a week ago and I was down to 226.5 lbs from 232 lbs six months ago--5 1/2 lbs lighter! I lost 1.25 inches around my waist.  That's a significant amount!

My Body Image

For two or three years, I've wanted to have liposuction because it feels like the only way I can succeed. However, I know it isn't the only way. I see the bodyshaping commercials now and I feel more comfortable with my body (most of the time!).

It will take time for me to lose the weight in a more permanent fashion. Surgery costs money and has complications--no matter what any surgeon may say. Losing weight doesn't have to cost a dime!

I have a better body image than I used to. I am beautiful in whatever stage I am in. I used to see other women and feel extremely jealous of their thinner bodies. I still feel a pang of jealousy, but I no longer feel depressed (for too long) about it. I have a body that functions and I am healthy--besides my weight.

I had a two-day bout of jealousy last week of slender silhouettes. Ah, I'm jealous! But life goes on.

Sleeping Habits

My sleeping habits are getting better. I have done yoga one other night this week. Mostly, I avoid stressing subjects an hour before bed and I am retiring around 9:30 to 10:30 most nights. I am making considerable progress.

I stayed up until 2 am reading Julie Klassen's latest book, A Painter's Daughter, last Thursday. I need to find a better solution to when I bring home a library book in the evening.

Since first writing this post last week, I have stayed up until 11 pm or later. I retired by 10:30 last night. My goal will by 10 pm.

Struggling with Goals

Goals are elusive beasts. If I write down my goals or get too specific, it stresses me out at times. Lists stress me out. Somehow I need to find a balance that fits my personality.

Rewards are another tricky subject. What can I use as a reward? Anything I choose, I will buy myself anyway or do that activity anyway. I feel like their are natural rewards to health goals: I get HEALTHIER and HAPPIER. Other rewards are beyond my reach or my attention span. I'm making progress.

I talked with my dietitian and she said that natural rewards make sense. She liked my approach. These rewards are free and happen when you fulfill your goals. They are natural consequences.

Exercise

Exercise makes the biggest difference in what I do. I've lost inches in the past when I exercise 60+ minutes 4-5 times a week. I'm trying a new exercise program that involves my children too.

Formal exercise has always been tricky because of toddlers. My toddler was sick all last week, so I went a week without going. I exercised some at home, but I was sick for two days too. 

My youngest had his larger-than-life adenoids removed last September, so he has fewer colds. He can breathe normally too! That has made exercise a little easier. He wants to be held while I exercise.

I found a walking partner again! It's been a couple years since I had a walking partner. My other partners get too busy or move away or I moved away.

Intuitive Eating Attempts

I rarely track my food because it stresses me. I'm focusing instead on eating when I'm hungry and adding vegetables and fruit to my diet. The hunger scale helps me gauge my hunger. Last night I ate beyond the full stage to uncomfortable. (It was a difficult day yesterday.)

I am making progress because I don't eat to the point I'm literally sick. Five years ago to the week, I went into the emergency room with such pain. I had gall stones, which made me throw up when overeating fatty foods.

After that, I ate a little less because I remembered the awful pain. But I still ate until I felt beyond uncomfortable. Over the last two years, I've tried to be more careful.

Just Keep Swimming--Dory

My life is making it one day at a time. I don't like to plan, but I have to do some. Weight loss is a long term goal and then weight maintenance. I hope that I can be slender within the next year. I just need to stay active and pay attention to intuitive eating.

Here's to one more day!

Thoughts on New Years Resolutions

"Happy New Year" by Circe Denyer

Resolution from the Latin resolutionem is "process of reducing things into simpler forms." I'm thinking of What About Bob? where Bill Murray's character takes literal baby steps to achieve his goals. Losing weight is achieving small goals on a daily basis as a process.

So my journey is a process, but I want it done now!

What should I do to make this year a success? My success last year was maintaining my weight for six months. I should think of that as success anyway :).

1. My goal is still to go to bed by 10 pm. I have succeeded at going to bed earlier than in the past. 
2. Eat when I'm hungry. I use the hunger scale to determine if it's time to eat (most of the day).
3. Exercise, but for how much?

I tried yoga before bed to help me fall asleep. It helped doing a PM session meant to calm me down. However, that takes up time before bed!

I'm not sure if I've gained or lost any weight over the holidays. I've had some active days, but some days where my cold drained my energy and emotions. I had so much hope for a productive and fun holiday, but it has been pretty lazy.

I weighed myself before and after bathing. It was a difference of two or three pounds. Is that how much dirt I was carrying on my body? Gross to think about. I figured I'd weigh more because my long hair was wet.

How much does wet hair weigh? I found this post where the woman says her wet hair was .2 pounds heavier than dry hair. This article states that being wet only adds a few ounces to weight.

Restless, Tired Saturday Night

I'm back at 233! Yea me! I gained 2.5 lbs. The three pounds came back :). Of course, I ate a bigger meal and more fluid before this weigh-in than usual. Who knows. Who cares.

I feel somewhat irritated, but I don't need to feel depressed like I have at times. From my class, I know to love my body at whatever stage I am at. We had the body image course awhile ago, which has helped me love me.

We discussed how each person has intrinsic worth according to Howard's Law of "Unconditional Worth." Those are secular statements, but they are based in spirituality.

I believe that I have eternal worth and everyone has the same eternal worth as me because we are all sons and daughters of Heavenly Father. He loves us as we are and as we will become.

I don't have to compare myself to others because I am enough as me. I accept my body as it is. My skeleton will always be a size 8 no matter what. Maybe even a size 10.

For so long, I've wanted liposuction to remove my fat and put some extra on my chest. But that's always been too expensive. But that wouldn't solve my problem because my habits wouldn't change. I'd gain weight again. Only a lifestyle change will make me healthier.

How Much Exercise Do Adults Need a Week?

"Exhausted Woman" by Petr Kratochvil

Personal Progress First

I went to my psychiatrist six months ago and she suggested I join a weight loss program. I started a program at a local health organization two months later.

Today, I went to my psychiatrist's office and I weighed the same as six months ago. She said it was good I maintained my weight over Halloween and Thanksgiving. Yes, I have done well! In between those visits I had gained 3 or 4 lbs. which I lost.

Two weeks ago, I weighed in at 230 lbs. That was a 1/2 lb. gain from my previous class. I was wearing different clothes than usual. Clothes can weigh a lot!

How Much Exercise Do Adults Need a Week?

A month ago, the personal trainer taught the second class about exercise. She went over how much exercise it takes to maintain heart health, maintain weight, and lose weight. I've been shooting for more exercise ever since. These guidelines are for adults 18-64. Look here for other age guidelines.

Exercise to Maintain Health

• 30 minutes a day five times a week -or-
• 2 hours and 30 minutes throughout the week -or-
• 75 minutes of intense aerobic exercise throughout the week
• and 2-3 times of toning during the week

Exercise to Maintain Weight

• 60 minutes a day five times a week -or-
• 5 hours throughout the week -or-
• 2 hours and 30 minutes of intense aerobic exercise throughout the week
• and 2-3 times of toning during the week

 Source:  2015 CDC guidelines

Exercise to Lose Weight

• 90 minutes a day five times a week
• 7 hours and 30 minutes throughout the week (following the pattern above)
• 5 hours of intense aerobic exercise throughout the week (following the pattern above)
• and 2-3 times of toning during the week

Source: WebMD

Anyone can take exercise to an extreme, so be careful not to overexercise. Your body needs a few days of recovery between exercise. Otherwise, you will feel overtired and may cause injuries to your body. Moderation in all things.

Now I am shooting for 90 minutes of exercise several days of the week. Previously, I only tried for 30-60 minutes three times a week, which is why I haven't had much success losing weight.

I have worked on some of my other issues such as getting enough sleep, reducing stress, and eating more vegetables and fruit. Because of this and increasing exercise time, I hope I will lose weight instead of maintain my weight. Or heaven forbid--gain weight!

Have you ever had trouble losing weight even though you are exercising and eating right?

I Love My Body Because...

The presenter at my weight loss class suggested we write a list of why we love our bodies. She called them amazing machines that keep going despite how much we push them. But we need to appreciate our bodies at the present moment and not at some imaginary weight or figure. Besides, we can only control our actions and influence our weight.

I love my body NOW because...

I value the strength that my body has (under layers of fat). I can carry my toddler around, give piggy-back rides to my older boys, and carry heavy laundry loads. I have the strength within me to carry the burdens placed on my shoulders with divine help.

My hands, my mouth, my eyes, and my ears work together to communicate and listen. I can speak with all the speech organs--vocal chords, tongue, teeth, palate, nose, and more. My ears hear words from others that I can respond to. My eyes read written thoughts and sense body language. I can type and write my thoughts with my hands.

My body can walk several miles, can run for short spurts, and rest nicely. I have use of all my limbs with only some fat limiting my mobility. I'm reminded I'm lucky when some of my family members have limited use of their limbs.

I identify myself as a redhead. My hair may look more brown, but it still has red in it still! People dye their hair trying to achieve my hair color and highlights, but only I have this blend of shades sprouting from my head.

My body provides me with many opportunities that I would not have if I had remained only a spirit. The flesh brings new experiences and joys. I grow stronger emotionally, spiritually, and physically because of my body.

I imagine myself as a healthy, slender person. At times I feel my ideal self and forget that I have a few dozen extra pounds. I love my body because of its potential as I care for it. 

My Progress

I lost one pound over the last three weeks and am so happy I haven't gained weight! I made a small amount of progress besides maintaining my health. I enjoyed less candy on Halloween than usual. Yea me!

I am in bed most nights before 11 pm, which is a feat for me! That still remains one of my goals. I don't know what reward to use though.

I'm focusing on getting more vegetables and fruits in my diet. I try to add a little protein and fat to each meal to help me feel fuller longer. I still follow some of The Formula guidelines.

My exercise is spotty, but I was sick for almost two weeks. I do get one or two toning exercises in a week and some cardio (usually cleaning the house).

What do you love about your body? Are you able to appreciate your body before reaching your "ideal" body image? How are you doing on your goals?

Die Lawn Die!

"Lawn Mower" by Petr Kratochvil

I took more vitamin C on the first day of my cold. On Friday, I was completely dead. I was barely awake and could only watch TV and nap the entire day. I asked my husband to stay home from work.

My husband spent the last half of the day home and ensured everyone stayed alive. I watched HGTV shows on Netflix. Gave me too many ideas to change my house. Unfortunately, I got involved watching an undercover cop series in the evening. I watched it until almost midnight last night. Why torture myself willingly? And I ate more raisin bread than I needed so late into the night. Bad idea.

Today I have more energy. I've reached the third day of my cold where I go crazy and clean. I folded several loads of laundry and mowed our large backyard (on almost a quarter acre). Now my arms feel like jelly and I felt slightly dizzy right after. But it was all worth it! Plus, I burned calories and toned my arms.

This is the last time I'm mowing the lawn this year. Period.

In previous years, the grass just died really long. Made the first springtime mow more difficult.

I look at the rest of my yard. Let's see...it needs weed whacking, edging along the sidewalk, bush trimming, and weeding. But at the end of the year, I don't want to touch the yard. I was done caring for the lawn in August.

This year, I planted gladiolus for the first time. The tall plants blocked the sprinklers and almost killed off my rose bush. Bad gladiolus--you don't make me glad. I want to move them to another section of the yard that doesn't get well-watered.

My calla lilies bloomed really well, but they're in a hidden spot. I want to move them where I had the gladiolus before. I had white calla lilies in my wedding bouquet.

I want to get this all done before winter, but it probably won't happen.

Now, why do I mow the lawn instead of my husband? I'm too impatient for him to mow it on the occasional Saturday he has time. Leaves more free time for us on the weekend too. My mom mowed our lawn and took out the trash while I grew up, so I copy that. She only did that because my dad has MS. I mow the lawn because I feel strong and physically fit afterward.