Monday, December 26, 2016

A Depressing 100 Extra Pounds and Bleeding

238 lbs
I have been bleeding since giving birth to my fourth son. It has driven me nuts. I have tried multiple things and it doesn't seem to fully work. I am more frustrated because the IUD and birth control pill have made me gain around 5+ lbs over the last month. Yet, they have lessened the bleeding to an extent. The "pill" has sent my emotions on a roller coaster that was well-controlled.

I have had an ultrasound and antibiotics. My doctor ruled out any left over placenta, glucose levels, thyroid problems, and other common issues. I have a slightly thickened endometrial lining.

I mentioned my problems on Facebook and friends and family suggested things. Mostly love and support. Many female friends empathized that they had similar bleeding that had no apparent reason for happening.

Sometimes, I wish I were male.

Well, not really.

I tried raspberry leaf tea and shepherd's purse. I stopped trying those a few days ago. Now I should be "on" bleeding with the pill. So maybe next week I should find out if the bleeding stops. I am embracing it this week. Haha.

I can't believe how much birth control can make me gain weight. So many things have been working against me for the last 13 years.

When I was 19, I had a breakdown at college. I was misdiagnosed with depression only and given an antidepressant. I gained 40 lbs over two years of taking it. I was active for most of that time. It was a stressful time I suppose at school, teaching English in China, and a brief mission. In China and the MTC, I didn't have the option to eat anytime, so I scarfed down more food at meals. I felt no control.

At 21, I switched medication and started more medications. I had a new diagnosis of bipolar 2. I started the patch a few months later when I married, which made me gain 5 lbs. I don't believe the bipolar medications had made me gain weight.

I lost 16 lbs puking through my first pregnancy. I tried going off my mood stabilizer and started a new antidepressant while breastfeeding. Eight weeks later, I went back on the mood stabilizer plus the antidepressant.

That antidepressant was notorious for gaining weight. Over the course of taking that medication, I gained 45 lbs. I had one more child, 2 IUDs in and out, 9 moves, a broken foot, and joblessness. That stress might have contributed.

So much has happened to my body. I had two more children with my body gaining, losing, and finally gaining. Changed medications several times. I had periods of losing 5-10 lbs., but it returned when stress hit.

Currently, I am 238 lbs. I figure I am gaining weight because of stress, lack of sleep, overeating, and too little activity. I don't know what perfect storm caused me to gain 100 lbs in the last 13 years. Medication and birth control don't help.

The extra weight holds me back from my dreams. I feel the weight hang off my belly and I just want to cry sometimes. It is just the last 15 lbs that has really depressed me.

Anyway, there's my pity party.

So here's a new year. Go to bed by 10 pm. Tell my infant to sleep through the night every night. Tell my toddler to sleep through the entire night too. Eat vegetables and fruit. Reduce stress. Blah...

I bought a stationary bike, which I ride for about 15 minutes a day. It helps in the winter.

1 comment:

  1. Love to you, Eileen! Sounds like you are headed on the right track. Sometimes our physical ailments are rooted in emotional baggage we are holding on to. Feelings buried alive never die is a book I recommend. I take the emotions that I uncover and ask what it is they are trying to teach me. These things are not just here for us to suffer with, but to learn from. Also, have you ever been to limitless? It's a three day seminar to help you change limiting beliefs that hold you back. I can probably find you a ticket if you are interested. Mid January in Provo. Both of these tools have been helpful for me. Good luck! I'm sure you will go far!