The Nervous Fish Husband Cook

"29 lb" by Simon Britton

I read about the benefits of eating fish, but I don't really like fish. Here's why: my brother caught fish growing up and they always stunk. The slime would stick to their skin--just gross. He caught an inedible carp and he gave it to his dog, Athens. Seeing that convinced me even more that I hate fish. Those strange scales like a palm tree scattered across the dirt. Cringe. I must have a texture issue.

Anyway, I asked my husband to buy fish at the store yesterday. I am going to try fish again (I'm okay with halibut). He was so nervous trying to pick out the fish--he had to pick the best so I'll like it. So now we have a slab of salmon, the most expensive fish at the store. My husband has been sweating over preparing the salmon right. He wants me to like it so much. I told him not to worry about whether or not I like it. I'm already biased against fish, but I'm trying something new! He's cooking the salmon right now. I'll report the results later.

"Salmon with Green Onion" by Helen Barth Villareal

I'm counting my servings for each category under the diabetic exchange system: fat, starch, protein, vegetables, fruit, and dairy. I tend to have 2-4 more servings of starches than I need, but I eat less than I did before. I've kept my goal of tracking food. Getting in the vegetables and fruit can be a little difficult, but I'm doing better than before. It doesn't help that my sons take my food.

About half the time, my two older boys eat the strawberries and raspberries within a day or two. I haven't even cracked the case open and it's almost gone. Last weekend, they left my fruit alone, but not this weekend. It's good for them to eat fruit, but let the other three people in the house have some too! Sometimes, my husband and I charge them a dollar when they eat something before we get any.

This reminds me of when the dietitian asks if I eat food in secret. The answer is complicated. I hide and eat food in secret from my children, but not my husband. My husband won't eat it all or beg for half of it. As long as you won't beg for my food, I'll binge eat in front of you.

My husband gets jealous when he sees me build my salads. He was talking about it so I described more what I put on my salad. It made him hungrier. Do you think the experiment will work on you? Mix spinach, mushrooms, sliced almonds, shredded cheese, a little dressing, and some croutons. I added cucumbers yesterday. The almonds, croutons, and cucumbers add some crunch. On occasion, I'll add avocado slices. Did it work?

Working on Goals

"Carrots for Sale" by Paul Brennan

I've been weighed twice now with the new community program. My weight is more than I want or thought it would be. I weigh in at 232-234 lbs; BMI is 39.4; and my body is 48.8% fat. How depressing, but it is only the beginning. It is about measuring progress, right?

Goal Progress

I successfully went to bed by 10ish two nights in a row. That's great for me! So that means I can get a professional massage on 9/8 if I keep this goal for 29 more days. I still feel somewhat tired, but I have sleep to catch up on. My oldest was in pain last night and he woke me around 1 am. I was so out of it. He was better in the morning, thank heaven.

I've been tracking my food intake since Friday. After my appointment with a dietitian last week, I chose the diabetic exchange system. I just count servings instead of writing down each food I eat or the calories. It's simpler for me, but I still have to measure my food.

My last goal was to exercise twice a week. I've sort of kept that goal. I walked around the grocery store and rode my bike to and from a meeting over the weekend. I need something more formal, in my opinion. It's just difficult because I'm still feeling rather tired. Need to catch up on my sleep. I'm also debating whether to work with a trainer or not. I could save around $1000 a year if I don't do group training. I could even drop my gym membership and save around $350 a year, but the cold months are coming.

Rethinking The Formula

I mentioned The Formula plan to the dietitian at the appointment. She looked over the book and commented that it asks for a little too much protein and fat. Instead of 40-30-30, she suggested 50-25-25. So just 5% less calories from both protein and fat. It's still pretty close to the 40-30-30 formula. The dietitian recommended modifying the recipes.

We talked about the glycemic index for carrots. She said it's the glycemic load that matters. So high glycemic foods like carrots and bananas are back on my radar because they have a low glycemic load. I may try the lower glycemic formula recipes in The Formula because it may help. For now, I'm keeping life simple.

So for my diabetic exchange system, I can have 8 starches, 6 proteins, 4 non-starchy vegetables, 4 fruits, 3 fat, and 2 dairy. This is according to my weight, height, gender and age, so it's different for everyone. Here's an online calculator, but a dietitian is a better expert to determine number of servings. The dietitian handed me a booklet to show servings in the diabetic exchange system. (Here's an online list.) Looking through it, the vegetable and fruit servings are larger than I thought and the protein, fat, and starch servings are smaller than I thought. Of course that would be the case.

So now to keep moving forward. The day-in day-out seems really difficult. I just want a magic surgery for weight loss (that isn't expensive or risky in any way).

So how are you coming along on your goals?

Setting Goals

Source

Yesterday I attended the orientation meeting for the community weight loss program. There were four people there, including me. We have homework assignments now: choose a food tracking method, a menu planning method, and three goals.

I will track by pen and paper because it is what I'm willing to do most consistently. The dietitian stressed we should choose only what we are willing to do.

I have three choices for a menu planning method: counting calories, diabetic exchange system, or the plate method. Counting calories stresses me. It isn't quite as stressful using an app like MyFitnessPal, but I don't have a smart phone to have easy access. The diabetic exchange seems a little complicated, but I'm considering it. The plate method may better fit my lifestyle. I may blend the diabetic exchange system and plate method.

For the goal setting, the dietitian had a worksheet to make specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, time-sensitive, engaging, and rewarding goals (SMARTER). I'm considering what my goals should be. Here's a stab at it:

1. Go to bed between 9:30-10 pm five nights a week for one month. My reward will be a professional massage.

2. Tracking food every day for a week. My reward will be one late night reading.

3. Exercising 3-4 times a week (including toning) for 20 minutes. My reward will be an outing with my sister and mother (no kids!).

I've done better going to bed earlier. In fact, I had energy today to clean my three bathrooms, sort papers, and put some stuff away.

Feel Stressed

Source

Sometimes I feel like I think about too many things. I'm worried about this cause and that cause and my brain runs in circles. Maybe I'm spreading myself intellectually and emotionally thin. The stress affects my weight loss goals, but then I've tried to chill about my obsession over that for the past two weeks. I need to just breathe. It doesn't matter if the world goes to pot. What can I do to change it? Only a little bit.

My mental and physical health need to come first. Causes can come in long after. I'm afraid I posted on my Facebook page for a discussion and I already feel stressed from the first response. I don't want to think anymore! But I do. I want to be heard amid the billions of voices out there. I want others to validate what I say. And I want sanity.

It's been a crazy week so far where I'm just eating to survive and maybe too stressed to sleep well. My husband's car broke down on Sunday when we were visiting family. While his car has been in the shop, he's been using the family van to commute to work (mine!). Today we drove 20 miles to pick up the car from a mechanic my husband trusts during his lunch hour. I didn't get my usual 30 minute lunch nap because of that. The toddler didn't get his nap either. (Maybe that's why I'm so grumpy.) Then my husband had to go into work tonight, which has rarely happened in the past four years. He's my support with the boys.

I get frustrated when I can't write as often as I'd like to. My toddler bangs against the keyboard and plays with our multiple monitors (yes, we have more than one monitor hooked up to each computer; my husband is a computer gamer and software developer). I want my toddler to just sit calmly in my lap while I type. That's the antithesis of what toddlers are.

Tomorrow I begin an educational and nutritional counseling program for the next six months. I hope this helps me. I felt good about signing up for it. Everything just takes so much effort. Let me sleep for a century, please.

Been Awhile

I've gone off the bandwagon probably the last week. Last Wednesday I had an ingrown toenail removed, so I stopped doing my walking. I gave up on the clean eating challenge, though the coach kept encouraging me. I stayed up late for several nights in a row and ate some junk food. I kept my life in survival mode.

So far this week, I've gone to bed about 11 pm each night. It's an improvement, but I'm still not at full working capacity. My mind keeps going for awhile after I crawl into bed.

After last week, I realized I set too many goals for myself. I felt discouraged because I couldn't do it all. I need to concentrate on one goal. That one goal should be going to bed on time for myself. My doctor thinks that is the main reason why I've gained weight. Right now I'm trying to keep life simple.

I signed up for a weight loss program through my doctor's office. I got 40% off by paying it all at once before I start the program. It's a cost-saving measure.

So now to encourage myself to go to bed on time: my only goal!

The Boys' Secret

Did well eating clean for a day and a half. We had run out of cottage cheese, celery, and some fruit, so I felt my options were limited. I stayed up late Monday night, so Tuesday I had less energy. Had pizza for dinner. It was healthier than major fast food pizza chains. It has less grease from a local pizza restaurant. I walked for 30 minutes in the morning and biked for 20 minutes in the evening.

Last night, I went to bed by 10:30!! But my oldest has followed my bad example. He has this secret with his brother:

My oldest revealed that he and his brother had a secret on Monday night. I guessed the secret: they sneak down to watch TV after Mom and Dad go to sleep. My oldest wanted to know how I guessed. The clues: he's on the couch instead of in bed when I come down for breakfast; he is asleep on the couch all morning and some of the afternoon; and the TV is still on.

Last night, my husband and I were in bed and had said our prayers. A minute later, I heard a door open and close. I jumped out of bed and called in the dark: "Get to bed!" I saw a second silhouette of my middle son. We told the boys they need their sleep.

Back in bed, I heard the door open and close again. I went out and caught my oldest without his brother. This morning...no kids sleeping on the couch. Verdict: they stayed in bed.

I need to be a good example for my kids and go to bed on time.

Trying a Clean Eating Challenge

"Strawberry Splash" by Petr Kratochvil

A friend from high school days is hosting a clean eating challenge this week and I joined. I committed for five days to eating natural foods, exercising 30 minutes a day, and some other things.

So today I ate oatmeal, raspberries, almonds, and cottage cheese for breakfast. I chose regular oats instead of the apple-cinnamon packs my kids eat. Fewer additives, right?

For lunch, I ate a peach, cheddar cheese, cottage cheese, strawberries and a salad. I thought about how to keep my salad "clean," so I left out the light ranch dressing and croutons. Instead, I put Parmesan cheese to try and give the spinach, mushrooms, and almond salad taste. It was okay. Thinking I may have to look at some "clean" recipes for salad dressing, but I only like ranch dressing. I hate all the other types of salad dressings.

I ate celery and peanut butter for a snack, but I left out the protein powder. I sometimes add protein powder.

I made a chicken, mushroom, and brown rice entree for dinner. As I added lemon pepper, I wondered if it was "clean." I know what the ingredients are. I made some peach, blueberry crisp too. For the vegetable, I grabbed the frozen mixed veggies. I looked at the shrunk, mutilated veggies and threw the freezer burn mess away. Luckily, we had a second bag of mixed veggies.

I'm wondering where all this energy came from to make dinner: I went to bed by 10:30 two nights in a row! I also walked for 30 minutes today, fell on a few yoga poses, and skipped around. All this with pushing, holding, or avoiding a toddler. All in a day's work.